Letter to the LOML💖

If I hadn't listened to these bitches I call best friends....

 When they said I should give fun a chance...

 Then maybe you won't have known that I was already living in denial about loving you then. 

I guess you practically still don't know or don't think its true.

I might spend the whole day writing about how much you mean to me and how much value you add to my life. 

But then, I like to believe I tell you everyday. 

So today I'm writing to tell you what goes on in my head with you inside...

....

I think of what your career will look like some years from now...

 if you will be a big name and I have to share you with the media.

 And maybe I will  still be having scraps of those dreams I usually fill your ears about. 

Maybe, I might have lost opportunities and now stuck with a job I most certainly detest.

I know you will say what if it is the other way round...

With my dreams skyrocketing and yours stuck...

But then again...

Its just a fear.

And I hope no dream actually gets stuck because it shouldn't work that way.

...

I know when we have issues it gives us chest pain and all but I really do imagine what might be the last straw on this r/ship.

I mean it might even be something so silly,

 Like me saying; 

"let's end this we are just deceiving ourselves". 

Or maybe you will say; 

"I think we need a break to get our heads back in the game" 

Then, after the break I most certainly won't agree the break is over. 

I won't come back. My pride won't let me.

Sometimes I still fear it will be something big...

Something I might have seen coming but refused to think deep about.

Maybe cheating?? 

With whom? I wonder. 

It really gives me chills though.

I also wonder what it will be like to be married to you. 

I bet every girl imagines the same thing so better don't look at me like that🙄.

Will we Have kids? 

What if they just dark like me and no one took your fairness?

 It will definitely be a waste of beauty...

 Because baby... You are beautiful.😩❤️❤️

But then...

What if it is not the complexion of our children that will be our problem?

What if we can't stand each other in the marriage?

What if we turn to those marriages I normally talk to you about?

Or perhaps we become the silent ones that kill themselves inside and act sweet outside.

What if we become the Mama Nkechi and Papa Nkechi of the neighborhood...

The one's the whole street referees their fights with their children choosing sides? 

I know its impossible to put you in a situation like that...

but duuh...

Its my Imagination for a reason. 

Inside my head anything is possible.

What if we become stuck up bitches and never have fun anymore? 

Like dinner every weekend at a high class restaurant....

 Where I have to behave as if I have sense when I don't...

And you don't either.

But that is what we suddenly are. 

We make jokes that are not funny and laugh about them with business colleagues as boring as we are and schedule to do it again the next week. 

We take our children to private schools and have formal dinners at home where the tension at the table fills you faster than the dishes in front of you 

(good news though: we'd have to have money to live like that😁)

*Breathes out*

I guess my head is a busy place.

 After all this is just a quarter of what I usually think about. 

I know It sounds creepy...

But in all I appreciate that you have my mumu button.

That you've always got my back.

Thank you for loving me even when I'm being impossible and stubborn.

I appreciate that you have taken care of me so well even when I don't return the gesture.

Thank you that you have watered my dreams so well they are grown so big.

I love you.

I respect you

I support your decisions.

I'll always be there for you.

I'll stand by your side constantly cheering you on.

Remember baby...

Whether we fight or we make up...

Today is what I promise.

Tomorrow, we're working towards.

But Today...

I love you.

With everything in me.